Destiny

Disclaimer:

I believe in God. I'm Catholic, and although I'm very liberal in my views, I thrive on my faith. This weeks post is basically a little more into my story and how I stay positive. I use the term "God" but feel free to insert whatever higher being you believe in, or "the universe", whatever! I don't want to seem like I'm pushing my beliefs on anyone!

Sometimes things don't make sense. When I got sick at 15, I was in the hospital for three days. My "friends" at the time, didn't care. As soon as I said I wasn't having any surgical procedure done, they kept talking about tryouts and school drama. I was hurt. Obviously I wasn't deathly ill, but I was far from "fine". It was only the beginning of things. In the next few months, I started experiencing debilitating pain, seemingly without cause, and I was ashamed. My doctors didn't know (although they entertained the idea of fibromyalgia) what was wrong, and all my tests came out impeccable. I would blackout in the shower, clumps of my hair fell out, I gained and lost weight like I had an eating disorder. I had terrible migraines every single day and cried myself to sleep because of my pain. I would sleep for 12 hours a night and wake up for school. None of my friends even noticed what was going on. They didn't ask why I suddenly cut my waist-length hair up to my jaw, they didn't ask why my uniform suddenly drowned my smaller frame. They didn't ask why I wasn't eating, they didn't even notice how I gagged at any parcel of food they swallowed. If I even tried to start a conversation about my pain, they would shut me down. They made me feel like I was crazy, like I was exaggerating. I was depressed.

Then I learned about Emma. I cut ties with the people who didn't reciprocate my love, and I realized Katie had always been my best friend. I started taking A LOT of vitamin D (a whole other post on that coming soon) and my life was turning around. I found spoonies on tumblr, on Google, on YouTube, and even joined Twitter so I could find them there. I surrounded myself with people whom I had never met, but understood me better than the people I had known my whole life. I didn't know why I got sick, I still don't. But it's ok. It really is, because I've made such amazing friends! We may not talk every day, but we are spiritually there, we constantly send each other support and positive energy. I think God wanted me to find my real friends. To have bundles of love in Texas, England, Australia, etc. I've learned so much about them, their culture, their views, their wisdom. The people closest to me were emitting toxic energy that I was sucking in, and in places halfway across the world, there were spoonies waiting to love me, and me to love them. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe that God has a plan laid out, and whenever we get anxiety over or try to change what's to come, we just push ourselves farther away from the joy that awaits us. I know it's a nonchalant viewpoint to have, and a lot of people don't agree. That's ok! It's why He made us different! But I'm done interfering, I'm done doubting the greatest thing in my life. My own faith. I've put my life in God's hands, and I know I won't be disappointed.

The message here isn't me trying to preach my faith or push you in a certain direction, but I want you to know that sometimes: things suck. But they always get better. If you just let go of the reigns, what's meant to happen will happen. Let life drive for a while, and just enjoy the view.