We Need to Talk...about S.E.X.

Ciara
Jan 5, 2018
3 min read

Disclaimer: MY GOAL IS NOT TO SHAME ANY CHOICE, ONLY TO EMPOWER THE ASPECT OF SELF-GOVERNANCE.

While my style is 1970’s, we live in 2017. As a young adult, I feel overwhelmed by the pressure of sex. When you’re younger, everyone tells you about the pressure of drugs (something I haven’t actually experienced), adults often forget to warn you about the pressure of sex, until it’s too late. I recently wrapped up my first semester of college, and I feel it’s necessary to give some “big sister” advice on a polemic topic that many people choose not to talk about.

Sex is not ESSENTIAL to a relationship. Respect, on the other hand, is. Let’s be candid, shall we? I’m a proud virgin. I know about sex, and how it works, I can even make/take a sexual joke once in a while. However, I have so many stressors and responsibilities in my life, I don’t find sex to be something I want to pursue at the moment. I have my whole life ahead of me, so there will be tons of time for my future spouse and I to explore this topic. Here is a misconception a lot of people make: if you want a relationship, you want sex.

This is false, and honestly, it’s offensive. My AP 11 English teacher always taught me: ‘Don’t assume, it only makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”’. I want a relationship, maybe more than I should, but I DON’T want sex. I don’t even want to kiss anyone without a relationship label. I’ve promised my sexual spirit to God and my future husband, and it’s a choice I made to myself long ago. I see my future with endless possibilities, and sex just seems like an unnecessary distraction. I have so much chaste love to give, why can’t we be focused on that?

For some reason, the “boys” I’ve been interested in have always been horrified by this choice, to the point where I now find it humorous. Whenever I meet a guy who is interested in me, I always try to stick this clause in, to make things very intelligible. I have been called a “tease”, or told that I was “leading” them on. “Hook-up culture” is something I really don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, a ton of my friends are sexually active, and they have taught me so much. Everyone should make choices over their bodies, and just be safe about it. The threat of STD/STI’s is always looming. As a germaphobe, sharing my personal space with an immature boy’s sweaty body does not seem appealing. One day I’ll find the right person, and sex will become an essential topic in my life. For now, though, I’m content with educating myself on sex, getting to know my own body, and exploring the chaste side of intimacy.

The choice on being sexually active or not is yours. Regardless of what you decide, never let anyone make you feel bad about it. To the readers who choose NOT to be sexually active, you are more than just your body. You are a mind, and a spirit. Yes, you are “beautiful” and “sexy”, and you have many assets, but they are yours. They don’t belong to any other man or woman, always remember that. The right person will respect you, and support your decisions, even if they don’t make the same ones. If someone is constantly pressuring you, and bringing negative energy into your life, cut them out. I’m begging you, put yourself first. When you decide to enter this chapter, you should be ready for it.

It is not easy, I won’t lie. I have had countless people with whom I have felt an intimate connection, and I have doubted my choice. In the end, I always meditate and come back to the Lord, my guiding spirit. I evaluate the energy forces in my life, and cut out any negativity. I find that this is essential to any person’s life. Whenever I feel like the last virgin on Earth, I look towards some of my favorite youtubers/youtube couples who I know maintain a chaste life. I will link some down below.

Good energy,